The main problem I was having was:
1. Ladyboys are flaky, and even getting one to go on a date is a major triumph. Ladyboys claim to find it very hard to find long term partners, but yet when a guy comes along they won't go on a date. Sheesh. Stupid f**king ladyboys.
2. Ladyboys who are full or part-time hookers will meet you, but they're maybe not such good girlfriend material.
So to try and relax a bit I went in search of a ladyboy massage.
Well finding a massage is probably the easiest thing you can do in a city like Bangkok. Massage shops are everywhere. Usually the ladies/ladyboys who aren't doing massages right at that moment will congregate outside their shop and call out "massage" to anyone (usually foreigners) who walk past.
Some massage places have an all female staff, some have a few ladyboys. There are also all-ladyboy massage places, and even places for gay guys to have a massage by a cute looking guy.
The ladyboy I chose was somebody I'd been chatting to on one of the online dating sites. She was early-30's, with a decent chest and also quite tall (but not too tall).
I guess I chose her because I had various ideas of dating a masseuse. Actually, I realise this is a terrible idea - masseuses are maybe not such good girlfriends.
This particular masseuse worked in a spa that had both ladies and ladyboys working there, with about 80% lady to 20% ladyboy.
If you come to Thailand for a massage then you'll find that there are places with just female massage artists, just ladyboys, just guys (intended for gay guys) and places with both women and ladyboys.
Also be aware that some spas are more legit than others. Some are 100% legit. Some you can pay a tip and get a happy ending. Let's not beat about the bush and say that some are just brothels, and you won't actually get a massage at all.
It's kind of hard to tell which is which. As a general guide if the place is in a sex tourist area like Nana or Patpong then there will be extras on the menu.
Anyway, the massage was OK, although I reckon a neck and shoulder massage is rather better than the all over body oil massage I opted for.
To be honest the best part of the session was asking my ladyboy about her life. I found out that although my massage cost 500 baht, it was usual for the masseuse to get just 100 baht of that. So they are extremely reliant on tips. As a result, it's not surprising that there are so many "extras" on offer (e.g. happy endings).
So while 100 baht + a tip might seem like a good way to earn a living in Thailand, it's not as good as it first appears. Bangkok is awash with spas and there's huge competition for customers. The masseuses have to hang around the shop for incredibly long hours in the hope of finding a customer. Dare I say it but many of them could well do better working in a department store or doing some other kind of job with a more regular salary.
So if you're a reasonably well off dude and you go for a massage, be sure to tip your masseuse well!
Anyway, back to my ladyboy. While talking to her I realised that ladyboys are pretty smart. This has since been confirmed by talking to a whole bar load of them. I'd say that without a shadow of a doubt, Thai ladyboys are on average way smarter than Thai ladies. Are guys smarter than women? Does taking female hormones make men smarter? Who knows. All you need to bear in mind is that you need to be exceedingly careful when dealing with ladyboys. If you're intending to double cross them, they'll find out!
As to the massage itself, well ladyboys have strong, experienced hands and a massage by one is definitely something you should add to your TODO list for your next trip to Thailand.
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