Bangkok is one of the World's most visited cities. So it's quite common for friends and former acquaintances to come and drop by and visit me for an evening or two.
One night I met a friend I used to work with, and he was interested in sampling some of Bangkok's riotous nightlife. So sure enough, we ended up in Soi Cowboy - a short street packed with bars and somewhere you'll recognise if you've ever watched Hangover Part 2.
Anyway, we walked up and down the street a couple of times while my friend took in the neon and the scantily clad gogo dancers and the smell of Thai street cooking.
Eventually we got to near the end of the street and my friend spotted Soi Cowboy's only all ladyboy gogo bar, Cockatoo.
Well, I had no idea my friend was interested in ladyboys. But he spotted the bikini clad ladyboys outside the bar, and by the time I turned round he was practically through the door of the place.
So I followed him in and sat down next to my friend. It turns out we had to choose a drink (Chang beer for me, naturally) and choose a ladyboy who would sit next to us. I'm not sure if it was mandatory to choose a ladyboy, or whether it was just a rule made up to help ease some money out of the wallets of gullible farang tourists.
Well anyway my friend seemed to have no difficulty choosing his ladyboy. He went for the most feminine looking cutey in the whole bar. She had an orange bikini, huge pneumatic breasts and false fluttering eye lashes. Not hard to see why he was so smitten with her.
As for me, well I was confronted by three or was it four ladyboys who were all vying for the chance to be my girl for half an hour or so, or maybe longer.
I couldn't choose between another girl in orange bikini or one with a black one.
In the end I chose the one in black.
Big mistake!
My ladyboy turned out to be the exact opposite of the sweet beautiful thing sat on my friend's lap.
All mine wanted to talk about the whole time I was in the bar was going back to my hotel later for some sexy time.
Admittedly for 2000 baht plus a 600 baht bar fine it was a pretty good proposition from a financial point of view. That's quite a bit less than what you'd have to pay to take a girl home from many of Bangkok's other top gogo bars. And probably less than what you'd have to spend on dating a "good" lady or ladyboy before you got some bedroom action.
But my ladyboy just plain irritated me. I wasn't interested in bar fining anyone. I'd rather work on my dating game and meet some "good" ladyboys. Plus if I did want to take a girl for some short time fun, I'd definitely cut the bar's commission out of the equation.
Well needless to say even buying her a lady drink wasn't going to satisfy this diva.
Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine. Heck, if I wanted that all night, I'd get married.
When it was time to leave she demanded a tip, which I certainly wasn't going to give her. To my mind, tipping should only be rewarded for good service. Like the other night I got a fantastic Thai neck and back massage from one of the waitresses in Suzy Wong's. That was definitely worth a good tip!
All the time my friend was busily exploring his new ladyboy friend. Well I tried doing the same to mine, but damn - my ladyboy hasn't shaved her legs. Stubbly legs - that's a big turnoff for me whether I'm checking out ladyboy or lady.
So a bad night for me, but rather better night for my friend.
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