Shhhh! I'm a Ladyboy Lover...

Hi,

I'm a guy who likes ladyboys, but I'm always a little more cautious about talking about my actual dates with ladyboys than I am with my dates with women. Maybe you're the same.

So in this article I'll run through some of the privacy/secrecy issues I've encountered while dating ladyboys, and why guys like to keep their fascination for the third gender TOP SECRET.

Geekyguy about to board the fun bus to ladyboy filled Pattaya.
What went on in Thailand has to stay in Thailand -
as far as future employers, girlfriends, etc. etc. are concerned...

First of all I'll say that many men DO like ladyboys. This fact cannot be disputed. I lived in Bangkok for over six months and I spent many, many evenings people watching. One of the many things I learned from living there is that ladyboys are VERY popular. This fact is also borne out by the popularity of ladyboy porn sites, ladyboy cabaret shows, and the popularity of the Sky TV series Ladyboys that was shown in the UK (and repeated many times!).

Reputation Management

Reputation management is important these days. It's so easy to make one bad tweet, one bad Facebook post, and you can end up with egg on your face, or even a jail sentence!

So it's becoming increasingly important to be a little careful about what you do online.

The best thing to do before posting anything online is to ask:

• Would I feel comfortable showing my mom what I'm posting?

If you're not, then don't post it, or use a pseudonym.

Now I'm not particularly bothered about what people think about me. Hell, I spent more than six months living in Bangkok, so most people think I'm a sex tourist anyway. My family are OK with me befriending ladyboys. In fact thanks to that popular Sky TV series called Ladyboys, my mom kind of likes transgenders anyway!

But on the other hand I have to bear in mind that I'm applying for jobs right now, and if you're a job applicant these days, it's very likely that prospective employers will Google your name. It's happened to me twice in the last month that I've been asked in a job interview about stuff that people interviewing me have seen from searching the web.

Of course it's also possible that future girlfriends might Google my name as well. My experience has told me that the majority of women DO NOT want to marry a guy who has any interest whatsoever in ladyboys.

So unless you don't care at all what other people think about you, it's a good idea to be a little discreet when using online dating sites. In fact quite a few people think that online dating itself is weird. And that's before we get involved with Asian dating, and (shudder) Asian ladyboy dating.

Here are a few tips of dealing with reputation management:

1. First of all, don't let worlds collide. Keep your work colleagues off your Facebook, and keep your friends off your LinkedIn profile (if you have one).
2. Reputation management is easier if you have a name like Paul Smith or John Jones! Then you can hope for some security by obscurity. Sadly I have a near-unique name and I've only come across two other people in the entire world with my own particular first name/surname combination. So you'll forgive me for writing under a pseudonym.
3. Photographic facial recognition is getting good these days, and already Google has a service that can recognise celebrity photos, and Facebook can often identify which of your friends are in your photos. So be careful where you upload your photo to these days. In particular, choose a dating site that only allows logged in members to view photos. Asian Love Connections is a ladyboy dating site I helped to build. As one of the specifications I made sure that profiles of guys seeking ladyboys aren't visible to search engines or anyone who hasn't logged into the site.
4. Be careful when using Google+ or any Google services. Google has a poor approach to privacy, so whenever I search on Google I use the Private browsing Window in Firefox. I also use BoxPN's excellent and very cheap VPN service as much as I can.
5. Bear in mind that many people are very hostile towards guys who show interest in ladyboys (as well as being hostile towards ladyboys themselves). If you get problems from friends, then find new friends.

Finally as you get older, you tend to give less of a fuck what other people think about you. So don't worry.

Secrecy on Dating Sites

I help run a ladyboy dating site over at Asian Love Connections. I've noticed that around 20% of men who join upload photos of celebs, or photos with their own faces hidden, and, on occasion, photos of their cocks. In other words the guys like to hide their own identity.

On my own site I don't hesitate to ban any member who uploads a photo of a celebrity - quite apart from the copyright issues, it's just plain dishonest and not fair on the ladyboy members of the site.

I'm more lenient on people who don't upload face shots. But since the site I help run is a mainstream dating site, I ban any members uploading photos of their members (so to speak).

My own opinion is that if you're going to have a relationship with a ladyboy then you're gonna have to be just a little bit more honest with yourself, and not hide behind fake photos and blurry head shots. Ladyboys meet a whole load of jerks in their quest for long lasting love, and you can easily stand out by appearing honest and a man of integrity.

Who Cares About You?

I'm a huge worryer and I also have bouts of extreme paranoia.

So if you're the same as me, I'll point out one important thing: people generally have very little interest in you.

So don't worry about what people think about your interest in ladyboys. Chances are they're not actually thinking of you at all.

You can see this by how quickly celebs "in the news" fall out of the news and are quickly forgotten, until they're re-discovered years later working in a convenience store.

If your work colleagues do somehow find out you're a ladyboy lover then you might get one or two days of grief, but then they'll move onto ribbing somebody else about another matter. And rest assured the guys doing most of the ribbing are highly likely to go home after work and spend a good few hours downloading ladyboy porn.

You can worry even less if you're living in or visiting a "ladyboy friendly" place like Thailand or the Philippines. In Bangkok I dated a ladyboy half my age, yet in the shopping mall where we met we were practically invisible. The only time I really got noticed in Bangkok was when I dated an incredibly hot woman who was a 9 or a 10. Wow, then I did attract a fair bit of attention, but mainly from other women!

The Take Home Message

If you're interested in ladyboys then my advice is to not be in denial about your interest in them.

On the other hand, bear in mind that there is a lot of hostility out there. Not to mention that in some countries it's even illegal to have a relationship with a ladyboy.

So it's perfectly acceptable to be discreet, but just be honest with yourself.

Are you worried about somebody you know finding out about your interest in ladyboys? Leave your comments below (anonymously if you prefer)...

Geek Goes Straight Again?

For the past couple of months I've been dating Thai ladies rather than ladyboys.

Am I through with ladyboys?

Absolutely not!

The issue is that I've found it very hard to find ladyboys I want to date.

Before I'll meet a ladyboy and go on a date with her, she must:

• Look feminine.
• Be pre-op and have breasts.
• Not be too much taller than me, taking into account that I love a girl in heels.
• Not work in a bar or be any kind of hooker.
• Not work excessive hours in her job.
• Actually live somewhere I can go and meet her.

That's quite a demanding list, and if you're similarly demanding, you'll find it much easier just to meet Thai ladies.

While there are many feminine looking ladyboys in Bangkok, there's no getting away from the fact that rather more are just a man in a dress.

Some of the most convincing ladyboys in Thailand are the post-op ones. But I dunno, if you want a ladyboy who's ladylike enough to the point of having a pussy, wouldn't it just be better to date an actual lady?

The height issue has also ruled out many potential ladyboy dates for me. As a guy who's just 5' 6", I find that Bangkok's ladyboys are usually 5' 7" or taller. Factor in the obligatory pair of fabulous heels, and many of them tower over me.

This isn't just a ladyboy thing. I might have once dated a woman who was older than me, but I've NEVER dated a woman who was taller than me. It just wouldn't feel right.

And on the whole job thing, I make it clear that I'll only date ladyboys who have legitimate jobs. There are many ladyboys who work in shops and offices throughout Thailand. If you want to find some real life ladyboys then a good place to go to in Bangkok is MBK. Head for the floor where there are all the little cubicles to buy mobile phones and accessories - it's awash with ladyboy customer service assistants...

Many of MBK's ladyboys are single and are only too happy to chat to you!

By all means date a bar ladyboy or ladyboy freelancer. But be prepared for a life of chaos and probable disappointment.

If you're interested in ladyboys, would you also date Asian ladies? Leave your comments below (anonymously if you wish).